Funny Quotes about Divorce

They say laughter is the best medicine. And research shows that to be true. Here are some funny things people have said about divorce. Many of the quotes are from Zsa Zsa Gabor, who was famously married 9 times (7 divorces and 1 annulment). To be fair, she lived to be almost 100 years old so maybe that is not too many…

Zsa Zsa Gabor

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor

100% of divorces start in marriage.
– WTFipedia ‏@WTFipediaTweets

One of the hardest things in the world is pretending to be surprised that a friend is getting divorced.
– Julius Sharpe

The only grounds for divorce in California are marriage.
– Cher

You know why divorces are so expensive? Because they’re worth it.
– Willie Nelson

How I Love Lucy was born? We decided that instead of divorce lawyers profiting from our mistakes, we’d profit from them.
-Lucille Ball

‘E.T.’ began with me trying to write a story about my parents’ divorce.
-Steven Spielberg

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor

A divorcée is a woman who got married so she didn’t have to work, but now works so she doesn’t have to get married.
-Anna Magnani

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor

The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is the legal separation gives a man time to hide his money.
-Johnny Carson

Divorce, the end of an ERROR.
-Lou Shabnor

The happiest time of anyone’s life is just after the first divorce.
– John Kenneth Galbraith

Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
– Groucho Marx

I want to get married. But first I need to get a divorce.
– Jarod Kintz

I’d marry again if I found a man who had $15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he’d be dead in a year.
– Bette Davis

She cried – and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.
– Tommy Manville

I can’t get divorced because I’m a Catholic. Catholics don’t get divorced. They stay together through anger and hatred and festering misery, just like God intended.
– Lenny Clarke

I look a divorce this way: it’s better to have loved and lost, than to live with that bitch for the rest of my life.
– Steve McGrew

Marriage isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. Let me tell you, honestly. Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce.
– Larry Gelbart

Divorce sucks. Let me tell you, after five years of marriage, it is devastating to have the person with the good credit move out.
– Rich Vos

Workaholicism is such a tough addiction to get over. I had to divorce my wife because she was an enabler.
– Dave Mordal

What happened? Satan was busy?
– Sam Kinison on finding out his wife had hired lawyer Marvin Mitchelson to represent her in her divorce case against him


 About the author:

Bev Banfield is a CPA, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst®, and founder of Banfield Divorce Financial Advisors. The Denver-based company was established to help divorcing couples more easily and equitably separate their finances. Banfield has more than 30 years of experience in financial analysis, budgeting, and auditing. Contact us for more information at (303) 482-1726 or Connect with her on LinkedIn